


No Reason Left

by justanothersmolfan



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurryface, M/M, Self Harm, Violent father, can be a bit triggering, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-15 18:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18078425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothersmolfan/pseuds/justanothersmolfan
Summary: i am rew-writing my old fic, no reason left :)Tyler hates himself. Everybody hates him, even his own dad. He tried to kill himself, but failed. Maybe he'll try again.But then he meets Josh. The boy with the beautiful warm eyes. The perfect white teeth. But does he hate him too? Is this just a test? Will he just humiliate Tyler like everybody else?





	1. Chapter One

Tyler's eyes were focused on the white, empty wall in front of him. He felt like crying, he wanted the tears to come out, but nothing came. All he could do is feel the silence in his room that made his head hurt. His wrists ached, craving something sharp. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop if he gave in, but somehow he still found himself in the bathroom a few moments later.  **_Weak, is all you are._ **

The blade was still red from yesterday, and Tyler winced at the sight. He couldn't even get himself to buy some new.  **_Pathetic._ **

Just as he was about to cut through his already bruised wrists, his phone began to buzz in his pocket. “mum”, his phone screamed at him. He let out a loud, audible sigh, and answered the phone.

“Tyler baby, are you okay? You haven't answered your phone ever since we left!” Tyler sighed, low enough for his mother not to hear. He really hated making his mother worried, even though he knew she would never stand up for him when he really needed it. But he tried to think of something else while he answered, having missed his mother’s voice more than he’d like to admit. 

“Yeah mom, it’s just been dead,” Tyler assured her.  **_Another lie,_ ** the oh-so-familiar voice sang. Tyler physically shaked his head, even though he knew it wouldn’t make it go away.

He couldn't tell her what had happened, even if he wanted to. He knew that she would be worried sick, and then his so-called-father would be mad. Not like there was anything that  _ didn’t _ make him mad these days. But Tyler was very good at hiding secrets, and the very one that happened the day before, was not one he was planning on telling her. Tyler could feel the anxiety crippling up his chest when the thought of trying again filled his head.

“Okay. Just remember to eat something, okay? Go buy some food for yourself, you need it.” Tyler could hear the worry in her voice, and he nodded, forgetting she couldn't see him, instead voicing his answer. 

They would come home tomorrow, after being away for the weekend. His mother had been very worried to leave him, but he assured her it was fine, even though it wasn’t. His father didn't really bother to say anything.

Tyler knew he had to leave the house, his mom would never stop worrying for him if she found out he hadn’t brought any food. He sighed loudly, and stood up.

-

Target’s bright white lights were overwhelming, and made Tyler squint his eyes. He silently walked over to the frozen meals section, which took a while given he was never there, and grabbed a few boxes, very aware that he wouldn’t be eating any.

As he looked up from the freezer with some of the boxes in his hands, his eyes met two hazelnut brown eyes. Tyler awed at them, completely forgetting the world around him.

It’s funny, because Tyler had heard so many songs about feeling safe by looking in someone’s eyes. He just never seemed to get it. But after this, he was starting to see where they were all coming from.   

After staring at the other boy for way too long, he suddenly remembered himself and quickly adjusted his gaze. The other boy just looked at him, dumbfounded. Tyler gave out a tiny, awkward laugh before heading to the cashier a bit too quick to be considered as normal. 

The hazelnut eyes stood crystal clear in his memory, like an image printed on the backs of his eyes. He prayed that he would see them again, to let them consume him, even though he knew he didn't deserve it.  **_Since when did you become a hopeless romantic? You are nothing to this stupid boy, and you will never be._ **

When he came home he just threw the boxes in the freezer, and went to his dark room, throwing himself in his bed. The bright screen of his phone showed him the time, and he sighed knowing his parents would be home tomorrow morning.

He sighed. Still another 14 hours. He knew he couldn't sleep, he never could. Especially when the thought of starting at the new school tomorrow still filled his head. 

He knew he wouldn't be able to find any friends. He always pushed them away, he always fucked up.  **_No wonder your own dad hates you._ ** His stomach began to hurt, and Tyler let out a tiny curse. The fact that his father was violent against him wasn't an excuse to be weak. It was his own fault. If only he stopped being so pathetic he wouldn't even hurt him. He didn't even have a reason to be depressed. His own head bullied him. It bullied him it bullied him it bullied him  **it bullied him** . 

“Stop!” Tyler screamed, but the voice didn't listen.

He didn't even have a reason to live.

 


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little shortie as we get started with the story

The high pitched noise from the alarm clock drastically woke Josh up, who quickly threw his hand in the direction of the sound. After several tries, he finally found the source of the noise and turned it off, continuing to lay in bed for a few minutes before getting up. His mom had asked him to buy some groceries all week, since she was too sick to do it herself. Josh knew it was his responsibility, but he could be very forgetful about simple things. And the fact that he normally slept all day made it very easy to forget. 

Ever since his dad passed away, he had been responsible for the family, which considered of him and his mother. It was not like anyone had put any kind of pressure on him, it was a choice he himself had taken. His mother always told him that he shouldn’t put that much responsibility on himself, but he just shrugged her off. He helped her because he wanted to, and it also put his mind off certain things. 

He quickly threw the cleanest clothes from his floor on, and grabbed his favorite vans and headed out the door.

Only 15 minutes later, he found himself at target. The lights there were way too bright, hurting his eyes and making him look down. He quickly began throwing random food items in the cart, not even giving them a second thought - he just took what seemed useful. He also headed to the frozen meals section - just in case.

Everything was normal on the grocery trip, except that it wasn't. Josh noticed a boy leaning his entire fragile body over the freezer. His hair was a dark brown, and he looked like someone on Josh’s age. He had a pair of headphones plugged in, and didn’t seem to really notice the world around him. Josh continued observing the boy, biting his lower lip. Just as he leaned down to grab a box of frozen pizza, the boy flinched and looked Josh straight in the eyes. He seemed genuinely scared, which confused Josh.

Josh studied the boy’s face. He was beautiful, he was happy to admit it.. The warm brown eyes, his short brown hair, the nervous look on his face. Just as he was about to greet him, the boy rushed away. Now Josh was really wondering: was this boy okay? Josh couldn't help but look after the scared boy as he ran through the store. Confused, he threw the box in the cart and went home.

“I'm home!” Josh's voice filled the usually quiet house while he kicked his shoes off, letting them lay randomly on the floor. He ran through the living room, making his way to his mother. She was laying in her bed, just as he left her. She gave him a big ear-to-ear smile, which he returned happily. The pink haired boy took her hand, and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

He knew she didn't have long, he wouldn’t deny it. But it was just hard, hard to know that one day she would be gone. Eventually, he would have to move on, to say goodbye, like he did to his father. He closed his eyes, making a hot tear travel its way down his cheeks. She gave him a small smile, and tightened her grip around her son's hand. He opened his eyes and smiled.


	3. chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys please PLEASE stay safe. there is self harm mentioned in this chapter.

Self harm mentioned a couple of times. Stay safe.

 

Tyler's pillow was wet from tears. He cried and he cried, but it just wouldn’t seem to stop. Screaming into the pillow did make him feel a little better, but only short lived. His forearms were soaking, but from blood and not tears. He didn’t bother to do anything about it though, enjoying the feeling of his arms stinging. His bright yellow hoodie was getting more and more blood-stained by the minute, and his bedsheets would go through the same if he didn’t do anything soon. 

He’d heard his parents arrive, but was prepared to pretend he was asleep. Not that they would bother to check on him anyway. Blurry had convinced him that pushing the blade to his skin would be the best solution, and Tyler listened as always. It’s not like he couldn’t handle the pain, being used to getting beaten by his step father regularly. 

But Tyler also knew that it wouldn’t make a difference whether he listened to Blurry or not. He had experienced the consequences of telling him no one time too many, and he would much rather cut through his own skin by himself than having Blurry do it. 

Not that he minded it that much anyways. 

That night went by very slow, and there were still countless of hours until sunrise.   He didn't know if he could get himself to school the next day. Maybe he should just fake being sick, he thought, but quickly pushed it away.

His dad had the day off, and he would see through the lie instantly. But he couldn't stay home when his father was there, even if he didn’t notice the lie. He had to go to school. But was it better there? He didn't even know. 

They would probably all hate him from the very start. At least, he wouldn't be surprised if they did. And that was probably for the best, since he would do nothing but disappoint them. He didn’t want to trust anyone, he didn’t want anyone to count on him. He didn’t want to find friends, only to lie to them each and every day. Being on his own was for the best.  

And, he didn't want to feel their pity if they found out about his scars. He didn't want them to care. He didn't want them to get worried. He didn't want them to be sorry for him.

The warm mocha eyes still hadn't left Tyler's mind. He didn't look properly on the other parts of the boy, just his eyes. And they were enough to make Tyler melt inside. 

What if the boy went to the same school as him? Tyler  **_didn't_ ** want him to. 

Yes he did.

**_No he_ ** did **_n't._ **

**_You would just hurt him. You and your ugly words._ **

He would see his scars and he would get upset. He didn't want the warm eyes to be upset. He wanted them to shine as beautifully as they did when he saw them. He wanted to see them shine out of sheer happiness, and never once a flicker of pain. 

**_What a cliche you are, Tyler. Hoping for your happily ever after. Not gonna happen, not on my watch._ **

A couple of hours before sunrise, the brown haired boy eventually fell asleep, with the brown eyes still on his mind, not listening to Blurry. He almost slept peacefully.

Almost.

|-/

“You better get going to school or i will kick your pathetic ass down the stairs and make you!”

Tyler woke up to the voice of his angry father. The day had only just started, but he could already feel a headache forming.

“Yes dad.” He mumbled quietly, voice still raspy from (lack of) sleep.

“What did you just call me?” His dad asked, pure anger evident in his voice. 

“Yes, sir. Sorry da- ..sir”

Tyler flinched as his dad slammed the door. Tyler whimpered as he scrambled to throw on his red skinny jeans along with his grey hoodie.

He put his hands in his hoodie pocket to hide the scars better, while carefully walking down the stairs to his parents sitting at the dinner table. Tyler's mom looked scared, and his father angry. The boy bit his lower lip, and it began to bleed. 

“I'm going to leave for school now..” He said carefully. His mother gave him a tiny smile along with a nod, and hit father just straight up ignored him. He wished his mom would support him more, stand up for him. But her priorities were clear, she didn't want to upset her husband. And Tyler understood, he really did. Why would she protect him?

As Tyler walked to school, he could feel his arms aching, his forearms feeling like they were going to fall off by the smallest touch.

But Tyler simply ignored it, he didn't want to be weak. And he knew it was his own fault. It was his hands that lead the blade over his veins. It was his blood that dripped onto the floor.

Tyler pushed the thoughts away as he walked into his new high school. It was very big, and he instantly felt overwhelmed. A lot of kids at his age walked around with their friends, seemingly having fun. Tyler's chest ached. Friends.  **_There's no such thing._ ** Tyler agreed. He knew that no one wanted him any good, they just wanted to hurt him. They wanted him to cry, so they could laugh at him. They wanted to humiliate him. 

Tyler took his schedule from his pocket, and checked what class he was in. ‘English,’ it read. ‘Room 47’. Tyler sighed, how was he ever going to find it?

He wandered around, trying to find some kind of map. Deep down he hoped for someone to stop by and help him. But he knew that it was most unlikely. Things like that only happens in books and movies. Not in Tyler's shitty mess of a life. He immediately cringed as the thought crossed his mind. How could he call his own life shitty, when people were literally dying, so many people suffered, and here he was whining over nothing.

**_Pathetic pathetic pathetic._ **

Tyler's own head was frustrating him. He thoughts trapped him, telling him things that weren't true. Of course it wasn't fucking okay what his father did, he knew that deep down.

But deep down only.

Eventually Tyler found a map located on a wall, and miraculously found the classroom just in time. He quickly threw himself down in a seat, and half-slept throughout the entire class. When the clock rang, announcing the lunch break, Tyler immediately froze in his seat. He hadn't thought about that until then.

It was high school. Everybody belonged to a clique, and Tyler knew he wouldn't find anyone he could feel comfortable with. But he still managed to drag himself to the cafeteria, only to see just what he had imagined;

Everyone sat in groups, and they matched each other perfectly. The most obvious group being popular kids (obvious, a bunch of other kids stood by the table trying to join their conversation). He took some food from the disk, and slowly scanned the hall. He walked very slowly around, trying to convince himself that they weren't gonna bite. 

He probably looked stupid. A stupid little boy, that was afraid of talking to people.  **_Stupid stupid stupid._ **

"Aren't you the new kid?" Tyler froze, and searched for the person the voice came from. It belonged to a boy with a basketball shirt on, who's mouth smiled at him (only the mouth, the eyes didn't and that kind of worried Tyler). Tyler nodded slowly as he scanned the other kids at the table. They all had the same look on their face, eyeing him curiously. The boy that called him waved at him. It took a moment for Tyler to realize he wanted him to sit down with them. So, he did.    
  
“So, new kid, do you play basketball?” A kid asked him, but was quickly overruled by another; “What about asking his name first?”.   
“To answer your first question: yes, I play basketball. And my name is Tyler, by the way.” Tyler asked with a smile on his face, even Blurryface surprised by how good he was at faking his social skills.

They asked him a lot of stuff about his personal life, and then talked to each other again. Tyler was glad that he didn't have to answer all the questions anymore, because to be honest, it really tired him out, and he wasn't really used to talk to anybody at his age, so it made him really nervous.

|-/

When the day was finally over, Tyler was very relieved. Being social had never been his strong side, and it tirered him out. God, he hated school. He just wanted to be left alone in his room.

But the other kid that bumped into him apparently didn't share the same thoughts. Tyler flinched, and looked up.  _ There _ . 

The beautiful brown, warm eyes stared at him. The eyes he couldn't stop thinking about. The perfect, perfect eyes. He could disappear into them, he wanted to look at them forever. It almost made him feel safe, which he hadn't felt in a long time. How did he feel all those things for a pair of  _ eyes _ ? He truly didn’t know.

"Hey, didn't I see you yesterday?" Oh, his voice was even more beautiful. Tyler was sure he would just melt into the floor if the boy in front of him kept on with being  _ so _ damn perfect. He looked at his hair, only to discover it was bright pink. It was beautiful. Tyler was already beginning to use that word way too much.

He realized the boy waited for an answer.

"Um -- y-yes, I guess?" He stuttered, feeling the heat spread on his cheeks. 

The boy grinned, "I thought so," Oh my God, he sounded so confident, and he sure had a reason to be, "Um, so this is a bit awkward, but I just wanted to tell you that the boys you sat with today, at lunch," Did he watch him eat? "They.. they aren't really that nice, I think you should just stay away from them to be honest." The pink haired boy chuckled. 

"Um, i don't really think that's your business, to be honest" Tyler could  _ feel _ Blurryface screaming in laughter of how stupid he was. If Tyler got to decide when he would die, it would be right then and there. What was he even saying? They weren’t Blurryface’s words, that was for sure. How could he screw up so much? 

The elder boy just looked at him with a confused look that quickly turned into hurt and pain, and oh my God it was too much for Tyler to bear. The boy nodded and gave him a small "sure". What had Tyler done? He just wanted to punch himself in the face. Why was he being so rude?

 


End file.
